Hello all fellow guests. I am a bit concerned about Jean's outfit. I have just heard the weather forecast, which is for rain on our big day, and feel that her ensemble could rust, especially the metal grid across her face. We have had experience in the past of her diving into the fountains in Trafalger Square never mind puddles in the street and, if she rusts up, will not be able to eat my cake or have medicinal fluids.

As for Doreen and that caravan type thingymabob she intends to lower the tone in, I believe that you Kathleen should be banning any such display. We cannot have her following all the royal families in Europe with heads of state in that thing! Would not be so bad if it was a nice shade of regal purple but khaki/brownish shade! Then if her face cracks as it has been known to do in the past, we will all be shamed with the show of it.

I am so looking forward to Julie's knitted bottom cushion. No one else in the Abbey will have anything like it. At least Julie has shown sense in this kindness which is more than can be said for her plan to commit bigamy with Prince Philip or any other candidate. Please be that she doesn't grab old slack jaw and introduce him to our group again!

Julie, I just hope that this new frock is not flimsy! You know what you are like when you wear 'flimsy'. We cannot tolerate you climbing in the Abbey, showing off your little bells in front of the television cameras. We do have our reputations to consider you know.

I wonder Julie if it would be possible to knit something to keep Lyn's hands tied together? I am most concerned about my hair which has only now been returned to its former glory. That hat with the pig tails had to be thrown in the bin as I had worn it since last years winter olympics!

Looking forward to seeing you all Thursday night . I am so relieved that you have your own booze, pardon, medicinal fine malt, Kathleen. We should get in the wedding mood after a slog of that! Apart from Jean that is as there will be no place to put the bottle through her grill.

And what is wrong with my caravan? I'll let you into a secret now, I have been invited to follow the royal coach when Kate and Wills leave the abbey. You may wave to me as we pass down The Mall.
I have tastefully decorated the caravan with fairy lights and red, white and blue tassels.

Where are we meeting on Thursday night? I noticed Jean said her evening outfit is breathtaking. I hope it's not that gold thong which is soooo last year.

Right, in deference to the bride I shall wear my bridal outfit to the 'do' on Thursday.

And after scouring all the charity shops in Brighouse and Halifax my ensemble is complete.
It is a glorious collection of zesty summer colours, the main colour is carmine red with odd touches of zesty lemon and lime and the most blindingly shade of brilliant pink. I found a pigeon (sadly deceased) and spent many happy hours plucking it and attaching the irridescent greeny/blue feathers to my upturned sick bowl which I have covered in tin foil- I think the hat is so important at these things because it is the thing that gets noticed on the cameras don't you think?

My shoes are sculpted from the polysytrene blocks my new kettle came with the same matching pigeon feather embellishment.
My tote bag is a recycled Humira plastic delivery bag which i have turned inside out and attached some bells and flashing lights to it.

Diveine darlings----just divine.

Oooh, I almost forgot - my wedding hat arrived today. It`s a beautiful dazzling white straw, in the shape of a lighthouse, complete with revolving light on the top. It`s ever so unusual, and will certainly stand out in the crowd. I`m not carrying a handbag - just my shiny brass miner`s lamp, with tassels hanging from it, and a secret compartment for my pills and potions.

Yes, I thought so too!!

Oh gosh! After all my worries about Lyn I hate to think of her missing the wedding! Doreen, could you haul her in front of the television before you leave for Stringfellows tomorrow with a blanket and a commode? You could also leave her a few biscuits and a bottle of irn bru with which to celebrate the happy couple. If she cuts up the blanket she will just have to take the consequences, in deed you could leave her some bits of newspaper so that she can chop away to her hearts content.

I am so glad that you have dropped the idea of the grill Jean. It would have rusted up knowing your usual behaviour at our gatherings. Then again, it would have restricted the volume of liquid that you could drink which always leaves more for the rest of us. Your outfit will be lovely if it is the discarded one. Which charity shop did you pick it up in?

Julie's outfit sounds most original and will be suitable for such an occasion as this. My only question is just how did the pigeon expire?

We are most priviliged to have you following the carriage in your thingymabob Doreen. Be sure and decorate it well so that you cannot be missed! Then again, the morning after the night before and muted colours will possibly be best. Wouldn't like you to get a migraine if using flashing lights. (I mean chased down by flashing lights)

On that subject, I must warn you against climbing Julie. The police will not stand for any nonsense regardless of your wearing of a flimsy dress with matching accessories. We do not want to see them on news at ten again!!! Kathleen and I will not be rescuing you from heights or police stations!!!

As is our usual, Kathleen and I will be acting with decorum. Can we ask that an orderly queue is formed when the medicinal drinks are handed out. We do not wish a repeat performance of every other blooming time we attend a function.

PS Jean. It may be best to take the ladders in the commode just in case.

See you all tomorrow night. You will never believe just how stunning my clubbing outfot is. Think Busby hat!!!

Oh the shame----the shame--------

Just saddled my white charger ad will be leaving Queenbury in the next few minutes.

Good news guys .... .... .... I'm out of my concrete polyfilla cast Knew you'd all be thrilled but you could have come and helped to free me, I've had an awful time chiselling away and it really hasn't helped my feet a jot. Anyway no worries ... .... ...

I'm on my way ... and I've spotted Doreen's caravan up ahead, coo -eee Doreen (*waves arms madly* ), weyhey there she goes!!! Lovely lights Doreen

See you all at 9pm How exciting!

Just taking a break from the shenanigans at Stringfellows to give the forum an update. Things are going with a real swing here - quite literally in fact as the last time I saw Jean she was swinging from a chandelier, which Lyn was threatening to cut down.

Doreen encountered a bit of trouble on the motorway, as she hadn`t got the relevant motor tax for her " vehicle." However, eventually she was allowed to move on, and once Lyn was let out of custody ( for carrying an offensive weapon, her scissors ) they finally arrived in London.

Jean got my wonderful hat here in one piece, and the revolving light on the top is proving a real hit.

Julie`s hat is also great, though the feather has gone a bit askew since she tripped up on the dance floor and took a header into a champagne bucket.

Eleanor`s busby is causing her a few problems, as the chin-strap is a bit slack - these guardsmen are big strapping fellas - so it keeps slipping over her eyes. We`ve solved this problem by attaching sticky tape to her chin to keep the strap in place.She can`t take it off now, and as it`s very crowded in here she`s getting a bit hot under the collar.

We`re just about to move on to Trafalgar Square, where we`ve heard there`s an informal "knees up" going on. Eleanor and I are really looking forward to this, as we think there will be less trouble for the others to get into...............